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Letter to Kate Middleton…. and other first time mums!

Posted in - Mummyhood on July 5th 2013 154 Comments DearKatePola

Dear Kate…..

First time mum.  I’m SO excited for you!  It’s such a magical phase – whoever you are and whatever your path in life!

Huge CONGRATULATIONS to you and Wills on the birth of your SON!

My children just asked me whether your baby boy will enjoy playing Princes and Princess’s like they do, and I like where their heads are at!  It’s an interesting question.  I suppose it’s a bit like Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy pretending to be an international superstar!  If it’s the norm at home, does it lose some of the magic?

Anyway – I digress….

This new parenthood game is an amazing one.  Trust me – you’re gonna LOVE it!

Exhausting yes, but rewarding beyond your wildest dreams!  I’ve been there – twice!100_0084

So just for you (and all other newbies) here’s my lowdown from the other side:

  • You will be TIRED!

That’s T-I-R-E-D!  And I mean tired like you’ve never known.  EVER!  Tired, tiredy, tired! With bells on!  When my daughter arrived I felt cheated that none of my mates had warned me – like they’d tricked me into becoming a fully signed up member of the Knackered Possy!  That said, even if they had warned me, I wouldn’t have “got it”.  This is a whole new level of tired baby!

Tired BC (before childbirth) = a few big nights out in a row

Nothing a fried breakfast and a large coffee can’t cure!

Tired AD (after delivery) = nothing else you’ve ever known!

It’s being woken up several times a night  – for months on end. Sometimes it feels like you haven’t even been to sleep when you’re up for that next feed.  You walk around in a slightly deranged state and I guarantee at some point you’ll wake in a panic and search the duvet for your baby, only to find them sleeping soundly in their moses basket next to you.  It happens!  My man once found me scratching at the bedroom wall on a midnight loo run, convinced that’s where the bathroom door was – such was my level of delirium! So, on that topic, do yourself a favour and ……

photo copy 2

  • Sleep when THEY sleep! 

No arguments – just DO IT!  You feel like there are a million things to achieve when your baby naps, but the best thing you can achieve is REST!  It’s not an indulgence, it’s a necessity!  You truly won’t have the energy reserves to cope if you don’t prioritise yourself.
You’ll get overwhelmed – and fast.  And nobody wants that!  So get that eye mask on and catch those zzzzzzz’s!  Also…..

  • Dreams

You give birth to a baby – and cue the bizarre dreams!  A whole new level of responsibility brings with it a whole new world of possibility for nightmares!  You have been warned!

  • You will STILL have a belly!

I remember having my first and treating myself to that post-childbirth shower. I felt all light, lythe and gorgeous as the water hit my exhausted body .. and then I looked down.  WHOAH! I was SO not ready for THAT!  It looked like someone had double-sided-sticky-taped (see what I did there!)  a wrinkled leather bag onto my front!  I don’t know where I thought the baby belly would go but I DID think it would “just go”!  Hmm.. not so much!  All that stretched skin just concertinas down to become a mass of wrinkled skin on fat.  It can even hang down so you can pick it up!  Nice! Be ready for it – it’s a bit of a shocker – even if, like you dear Kate, you DID look smaller at 9 months pregnant than I did at 3!

But then again, I did put on 5 stone with each pregnancy. Yeah.  Ya heard!

Here’s how I still looked TWO MONTHS after giving birth!!!  So don’t be hard on yourself!

IMG_9411

On the subject of belly….and I know Kate there’s no way you’ll listen to this one but, for what it’s worth,

  • Don’t sweat the weight gain!

Why are we all so obsessed with “losing the baby-weight” – like it’s some terrible cross we bear, shameful that it hasn’t fallen off and you haven’t pinged back into your Donna Ida skinnies by Day 2!  WHAT?  How ridiculous!  When you have a new baby there are WAY bigger priorities than your increased waistline.  Don’t waste a precious moment of that new life worrying.  Live in the moment and celebrate your new body for the fact that it’s just CREATED A HUMAN! HELLO!

Now when I see new mums who HAVE “pinged back” I actually feel sad for them, that they focussed on the wrong things in those early weeks.  As a midwife once said to me

“9 months to go on, 9 months to come off”!

  • Enjoy the BABYMOON!

The first few weeks are the most AMAZING time for you as a THREE.  So make sure you take the time to enjoy it!  In some countries, new mums literally take to their beds for that “fourth trimester” and get waited on hand and foot.  So don’t try and do too much, and don’t feel the pressure to call all your mates.  In your case Kate, I’m pretty sure your mates may already know about your little man!j  Just a crazy hunch of mine!

When we had Kaya we put a message on all of our answer-phones saying:

“Hi – thanks so much for calling.  Kaya Sky Farley was born on 17th July weighing 9 pounds 6 ounces. Thanks for all your messages!  We’re enjoying the Babymoon for a few weeks, but we’ll be in touch as soon as we come up for air”!

Which leads neatly onto…..

  • Visitors

Your OH (hey Wills – that’s YOU!) needs to be the Gatekeeper and keep visitors to a minimum.  Visitors should only stay a maximum of 30 minutes.  Trust me!  Otherwise you get way overtired.  And while we’re at it – nobody is judging the state of your house (nice re-vamp by the way!), or whether you’ve lost the baby weight, or how amazing your hosting skills are!  I remember getting totally stressed out – like I was having to be Superwoman AND Supermum.

If visitors come, they can make their own tea and one for you while they’re at it – even if they ARE the Queen of England!

  • Breast is Best!

Yup – we all know it and however great your plans for breastfeeding right now, it is TOUGH!  So be sure to get lots of help with those first few latches and make sure you’re drinking and eating enough to get that milk flowing!  Oh – and do yourself a favour – if you have guests, go in another room to feed so you can concentrate on the job in hand and not worry about mates seeing your boobs. My latches were always terrible when people were there as I rushed it to get my boobs hidden!

  • Mumupmanship!

“The art of feeling better about thyself by proving thou art a Mother Superior – Literally’! Shockingly, this starts immediately, so be ready for it!  Yup, I’m talking who has the best changing bag (I’m sure you’ll win, hands down!), who’s baby sleeps through first, who’s baby is a rocket scientist by 3 weeks!  It’s competitive!  And pointless.  So don’t rise to it!

  • You will feel like you know NOTHING!

I remember the nurse leaving my side in hospital after giving birth, having latched me on for my first breastfeeding experience, and with outstretched arms like a pre-schooler being left for the first time I called out in the smallest, most panicky voice I’d ever heard “Oh no…. but where are you going” as she headed off into the sunset!

But the best person for your baby is YOU!  Trust your instincts.  To a degree there’s no right or wrong way of doing things – just your way!  I know you’re heading to your mums (happy days!) so I hope you get the privacy you deserve to be able to fully enjoy your Babymoon.  And take all the help you can!

The baby phase is like the craziest ride.  For me it was tougher than I ever imagined, but boy was it magical.  And it goes SO fast!  My eldest is about to turn 7.  How did THAT happen?!

One final thought “When a Baby is Born, so is a Parent”!

So don’t sweat it!   ENJOY!

And parent YOUR way!  To a degree, there’s no right or wrong way of doing things and it may feel as if the world is watching but just do what’s best for YOU and YOUR baby!  The muddling through is half the fun!

Do thank Wills for saying I’m his fave Blue Peter Presenter of all time!  That was kind!   You two happen to be my fave Royal couple too! #justsayin

And if you need a cuppa, I live just down the road from your mum!

Love and Hugs

x

As of now (154) people have had something to say...

  • Getting that body back | Babes with Babies - Reply

    August 15, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    [...] your new curves with pride, then you can stop reading here – and all power to you. After all, as Katy Hill puts it, ‘you made a human’! Rest and [...]

  • Cally Taylor - Reply

    August 1, 2013 at 10:18 am

    What a brilliant post Katy! It’s spot on. I laughed out loud at the searching for the baby in the duvet part – I thought that was just me. And THANK YOU for admitting you put on 5 stone with each of your pregnancies. I put on 6 stone with my son and have had people look at me with horror when I admit it ever since (only 2.5 stone still to lose and he’s 22 months old!). Do please write a piece on coping with the birth of the second – we haven’t go one yet but I want to be forewarned in case we do! Cally x

  • Georgina Horne - Reply

    July 31, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    I haven’t had a baby, nor will I any time soon BUT I loved this and I will share it with my readers – and one day it will help me <3

  • Jane - Reply

    July 31, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    What a beautiful blog – can relate to every word, at 6 months I’m still exhausted but cherish my beautiful daughter Estée who makes it all worth while
    Thanks Katy
    Summed it up perfectly xxx

  • Kate - Reply

    July 30, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Loved reading your letter to Kate Middleton. I’m currently getting used to an 11 week old little monster (no really, he’s beautiful), but he does seem to need all my attention which is so tiring, I’ve never known tired like it!!! I also find I’m not able to sleep in the day, I just can’t seem to drop off (so annoying).
    Anyway, I think it would be great it you wrote a book on it, I love your honesty and I’d love to read more about your experiences.

    Kate x

    • Claire - Reply

      July 30, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      I completely agree about the book too Kate. We’ve only just had number 1 (3 month old son), but if love to hear your advice on coping with number two’s arrival. I’d love another but that thought terrifies me! Cx

      • Katy - Reply

        July 30, 2013 at 4:46 pm

        Thanks so much re. a possible book. I’d LOVE to write one to help! ….. x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 30, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Kate x

  • Claire - Reply

    July 30, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    That is such great and honest advice, I really wish I’d had it before I had my little boy back in may, especially the bit about how hard breastfeeding is at first, oh the tears I shed! but it’s so worth persevering and using help when needed (nipple shields were my lifeline!). Xxx

  • Claire Farrow - Reply

    July 30, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Love your tips Katy, my little girl is 3 weeks old tomorrow and yes i am very tired! I love the bit about searching for your baby in the duvet… I’ve woke my husband up a few times doing that only to find her sleeping soundly in her Moses basket next to me!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 30, 2013 at 4:45 pm

      Glad it wasn’t just me! x

  • Kate Davis-Holmes - Reply

    July 29, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Well done on a great list of tips. My oldest is 12 and I am still tired. I do remember been warned when I was pregnant about fatigue and just laughing it off. Naive or what?! Love what you are doing and sneakily a little envious that you can make such a big and positive difference to the world. So want to see mums loving themselves more – too many of us beat ourselves up for our real or imagined flaws rather than focusing on the stuff we get right as the individual mums we are. Keep up the great work. Also, take care of you in all this.

  • Jennifer Howze - Reply

    July 29, 2013 at 11:28 am

    GREAT list of tips. I sometimes think that the focus on post-baby body is because as a culture it’s a lot more comfortable to think of either their blooming pregnant lady or the “hot mum”. It’s not easy to admit that childbirth and having babies is a sticky, messy, sometimes unpleasant and definitely hard part of life. When that shows up on mother’s bodies, that’s uncomfortable because it doesn’t hew to the soft-focus view we have of women and motherhood.

    Way to get real.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      Fab comments! Thanks lady x

  • Loretta Duncan - Reply

    July 29, 2013 at 12:41 am

    Great letter Katy! What a great roll model you are for young women everywhere, including the future Queen of England, who herself is also a great roll model. Can’t wait for William and Kate to be the King and Queen. They are so brave and no doubt will change the world for the better. Best of luck to you!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:42 pm

      Thanks so much Loretta x

  • Kirsten - Reply

    July 28, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    Thanks for the advice Katy, I’m 28 weeks pregnant with my first and I suppose I don’t really know what to expect. Very excited but also a little nervous of the unknown. A friend also advised about sleeping when your baby sleeps so that is definately something I will try to adopt.

    Kirsten xx

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:43 pm

      How exciting!! Sleep sleep sleep! And go on lots of nights out x

  • Jessica Scott - Reply

    July 28, 2013 at 5:57 am

    WOW! An amazing post I must say. Very amazing to read even though I am on my 4th pregnancy.
    I remember being in hospital with my first born and the first time he cried and I was alone with him, I had to buzz in the nurse so they could show me how to pick him up – I was TERRIFIED I was going to hurt him.
    But this is truly an amazing insight. Thank-you for sharing!!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:43 pm

      Thanks so much Jessica x

  • TheBoyandMe - Reply

    July 28, 2013 at 12:57 am

    Couldn’t agree more with the points you’ve made, and they apply to everyone no matter whether a princess or a pauper. Interesting point about Beyonce’s girl, I wonder what she plays at being?

    Just wanted to say as well that I have admired this campaign you’ve led, and having seen you speak at Britmums Live! this year and last, you’re quite an inspiration!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      That’s so kind! Thanks so much. Just trying to encourage mums in this crazy/amazing job! x

  • Mummy Matters - Reply

    July 28, 2013 at 12:14 am

    Could not have put it better myself Katy, I wish someone could have written that letter to me when I was a first time Mummy, you need the honest truth xx

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      Totally agree! Wish I’d known it then! x

  • Lisa - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    All of this is so true – I wish I could go back to my 26-y-o self and give me a good talking to!! It took me six weeks just to manage getting dressed before lunchtime! And for the record, I am still carrying some baby weight – ten years on! But I made two humans, so I am happy for that sacrifice :)

    • Katy - Reply

      July 29, 2013 at 12:46 pm

      Thanks Lisa! So true! Making humans is worth all of it! x

  • Emmys Mummy - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 11:19 pm

    Never nodded in agreement more than I did reading that.

    I was only having a conversation with my sister in law today and she asked “if it gets easier?” – she has a 4 week old.

    Will forward this to her! My advice to her was alsonthe same as your – sleep when baby does and sod the housework…..who cares? Baby can’t see, lock the doors, shut the curtains and ignore.

  • Laura - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Loved this! Very true advice! People warned me how tired I would be when I was expecting my first child but I didn’t truly appreciate how tired I would be- nothing can prepare you for it. I also feel quite relieved that I’m not the only person who woke in the middle of the night in a state of panic believing my baby was in bed with me, smothered by sheets or squashed underlying my sagging belly! Looking back now I can giggle – I’ve never seen my husband jump out of bed so quickly as when I woke with hallucinations that my baby was tangled up in my bed unable to breathe!

  • Michelle - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    This is brilliant..! Thank you Katy !

  • Mary inCanada - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Yup. It was 40 years plus ago and I remember that shock that my belly hadn’t sprung back like a big elastic band.
    I was charmed by Kate Middleton’s belly showing so just noticed the media attention it got.
    Good for Katy Hill for writing support.

  • thisdayilove - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Well said. Best advice any one can ever give is to trust your own instincts. A Mum knows their children better than anyone else after all we have had 9 months more to get to know them.

  • Marie - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    Fab fab fab and very true!
    Well done
    With love from
    Marie and little Eddie
    @ Love Amber x Teething

  • Mari - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    After 4 children I still have my bump which comes and goes depending on what I’m doing and how lazy I’m feeling. Love your advice to Kate, all totally spot on, let’s hope she reads and listens.

  • Suze - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    One of the most terrifying things for me – relating to your “dreams” comment – was when I would constantly wake up thinking my baby was in the bed or on top of the covers and I’d wake my husband up slapping at him or pulling at the duvet. Sometimes I’d get up to go to the loo and not be able to remember where it was, or not know where I’d left the baby on my way there. Lack of sleep does crazy things to you but you have no idea just how badly your own brain can turn against you!

  • Claire Lazy Girl Blog - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    Oh God I was so tired, uber tired. My non parent mates laughed at me the beggars. Although I did tell them how I was sitting on a bus and had put the buggy in the buggy parking bit at the front but the seat wasn’t big enough to park my backside on post baby (5 stone- hearing that and high fiving), and the front bit between seat and buggy was too small for my tummy and breast feeding huge bosoms, so I sat behind it. And then nearly got off the bus at my stop without the baby. Opps.
    Another thing Kate wont be prepped for is in the bosom department. She, like me pre-babies, was pretty small of bra size. I went from a 32a to a 36D while breastfeeding. Three issues- my boobs hurt like hell, I wasn’t used to maneuvering bigger boobs. Oh and him indoors was a fan which is the last thing you want just after a baby.
    Oh well, at least I didn’t have paps after me.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 30, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      Brilliant! And your mates time will come! Revenge is sweet! x

  • Family Affairs - Reply

    July 27, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Brilliant – good for you – she needs all the realistic proper support she can get – and well done for getting an OK apology xxx

    • Katy - Reply

      July 30, 2013 at 4:43 pm

      Thanks so much! x

  • Harrovian Mama - Reply

    July 26, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Hi,
    I love your blog and I agree with SO many of the points above. The competitive aspect of mums never fails to astound-one mother insisted her child could play the piano from about four months. Hmm.

    I had both children young at 23 and 25 and, always being a small build, left hospital looking as if I’d not had a baby. Every mum is dealing with her own issues. All women look different. We look different pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and after.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 26, 2013 at 6:26 pm

      TOTALLY agree – everyone should be more accepting of other body shapes! When I refer to the ones who “pinged back” and feel sorry for them, I mean mums we all know who hide away till their bodies return to “perfect”. That’s a waste of the early months with a new life! Everyone should be allowed to BE their natural self, and not feel they have to conform to what we’re shown is apparently “normal”! x

  • Samantha - Reply

    July 26, 2013 at 11:54 am

    I was directed to this post by a Twitter comment. At 38 weeks pregnant I’ve avoided all the Royal baby blah as more concerned with ushering my little one into the world but I did want to add that it’s not just magazines and media that put pressure on new mums to snap back into shape. I was really disappointed at an ante-natal class that the midwife felt the need to promote breast feeding as not just good for baby, but for mum to lose weight too. “Oh it will help it [the weight] to fall off”. Why do I even have to think about that when I have a new life to take care of and guide? Unfortunately, we live in a society where looks are promoted over health – when it should be the other way round. As long as you eat a balanced diet of plenty of fresh veg, fruit and only small amounts of protein, with a bit of what you fancy here and there, you cannot go far wrong. The diet industry is just that – an industry. Its sole purpose is to make money and if it means exploiting a woman’s insecurities, so be it. Remember that next time someone is harping on about their post-baby regimes! It’s not for your benefit, but for the shareholders.

    • Lizzie - Reply

      July 30, 2013 at 12:26 pm

      The midwife tells you about the weight loss with breastfeeding because, sadly, some mum’s wouldn’t do it without that incentive (I live in an area with low breastfeeding rates).
      Incidentally sitting on my bottom nursing my baby, as difficult as it was in the early weeks, was way better than trying to burn those 500 calories a day by exercising!

  • Fi Star-Stone - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    Love, love, love this post.

    So much fabulous advice there – you should write a book! (wait until mines out first though yes? Give me a chance!)

    Brilliant post.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 26, 2013 at 6:28 pm

      Thanks lady! I have SO much more advice but had to limit myself here so I didn’t send everyone to sleep! But a book….hmmm……. x

  • Flora - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    This is such a good post, Katie!
    I’m a way off having my own children yet, as I’m just beginning my twenties and moving out of my parent’s house and in with my long term boyfriend, but babies are on my brain (always on my brain, always!) so I love to read things like this. This post has made me so excited but also feel more prepared – I will bookmark it for a time in my life when it is really relevant, and read it a thousand times over!
    I loved your tweet in reaction to OK magazine’s weight loss spread for Kate – I think you are so right and an inspiration and comfort to so many women who may have needed a gentle reminder of the necessary perspective that OK magazine have stolen away with that feature.
    You were always my favourite Blue Peter presenter too. ;)

    Flora

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:14 pm

      Wow Flora! Thanks for your lovely comments. Let me know how things pan out! x

  • Charlie Lewis - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Loved the honest and real advice and experience in this post Katy. I’m 33 weeks with my first, live away from my mother and my hubby is in the Royal Navy so will only be around for the first 2 weeks then its hans-solo for me (well at night at least). Of all my friends who have already had children, not one of them has mentioned the ‘jelly belly’ and how it seems to come as a shock…so THANK YOU!

    I’m nervous about those first few weeks (not to mention the actual birth!) but will keep your words in mind and just go with it and enjoy the moment.

    Thank you x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:15 pm

      Don’t be nervous! You were MADE for this moment! Be sure to enjoy that new life! How exciting x

  • Jude - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    Love this! My most delirious moment was waking up in the middle of the night to find myself cradling my poor husband’s head and trying to breastfeed him…I’m not sure who was more freaked out! lack of sleep makes you do crazy things!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:16 pm

      Ha! Brilliant x

  • Tina - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    I had my first baby almost 29 years ago now and this is the first time I have heard of anyone else confessing to the midnight duvet search! All this time I thought it was just me!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:16 pm

      Ha! Not alone baby! x

  • samantha roberts - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 10:02 am

    I loved the honesty of this letter.
    I became a mum the first time on May 26th 2004 (I was 19) and again on July 14th 2010 (3 days before my 26th birthday). I share my birthday with your little girl Kate.

    Nothing prepared me for the after baby Belly. Everyone mentions the tiredness, sleeping when they sleep, breast is best, the dreaded first nappy etc……but no amount of imagination can prepare you for the wobble you witness after little one has made their appearance or the way it feels. Almost like its a non attached giant piece of Jelly, another not so pleasant experience was my waters breaking for the first time (onmy daughter, they were broken for me on my son) apparently they go painlessly and the water floods out…….yeah right……..mine popped which hurt as I was in labour at the time and then had a continuous stream of water running down my leg for nearly 20 minutes with which the only way I could stop it was to vacuum seal myself to a chair next to my bed to stop the flow…….
    tired, beyond tired is right……I lost count of how many times I put my cup of tea in the cupboard or the fridge when trying to make a cup……
    also …… you should get use to cold tea/food for the foreseeable future……as no doubt as soon as its made little one needs feeding/changing/burping/cleaning/starts crying etc…….if you manage to finish a hot cup of tea within the first month consider yourself lucky.

    x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:17 pm

      Great comments! I put an electric kettle on a gas hob! x

  • Ramblings Of A Suburban Mummy - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Loved it Katy, as always honest and real. The only thing I’d add is that although breast is best and I breastfed both my childred, breastfeeding is the most lonely thing in the world. Awake in the middle of the night feeding whilst the world sleeps is the loneliest I’ve ever felt!

    • Sian Gregory - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 8:38 am

      I couldn’t agree more. Sadly most of my memories from the first few months with my baby revolve around breast feeding and they are not good ones either. Afternoon after afternoon I would sit on the sofa expressing most of the time getting no where. It was a very lonely time and as much as I agree that breast feeding is best for babies, it doesn’t work for everyone. I felt so much pressure to be doing it, it literally took over those first few precious months. I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 and I hope I can learn from last time and enjoy the whole thing!

      • Katy - Reply

        July 25, 2013 at 11:25 pm

        Sorry you had a tough time with feeding. That’s very common. I did too. Found it even harder with no 2 as more pressures on time. Be sure to get LOTS of support x

    • Lindsay - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 10:22 am

      So true, and 3am telly is nothing exciting to try and keep you awake! X

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:18 pm

      Couldn’t agree more. SO lonely. I remember the sweet release as daylight came into the room & I knew I wouldn’t be “alone” anymore. x

  • Luci – mother.wife.me - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 12:51 am

    Kudos on publishing that photo, you’ve just done thousands of soon to be first time mums a massive favour. I’ve always been a bit on the slim side, so I really wasn’t too worried about whether I’d lose my baby weight, which was handy given that the midwife who visited me two weeks after I’d given birth, gave me my check-up and then poked my stomach and told me I needed to tone up. It took all my strength not to poke her right back in her rather larger than mine stomach.

  • Lindsay - Reply

    July 25, 2013 at 12:18 am

    Wow! What a read! I’d of loved this with my first as every aspect of this blog is true ! I’m now 20 weeks with no.2 and reading this has reminded me of all the fun and games to come again- and I can’t wait !!

    Thanks Katy! X

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:20 pm

      How exciting. Enjoy your second! x

  • Michelle - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    Katy this is so honest and true. I’m mum to an 18 year old daughter, 16 year old son and 2 year old daughter and at 44 I’m proud to say that my children are my biggest achievement. My tum will never be flat but who cares?!
    All new mums should be aware of the reality and then maybe they wouldn’t feel the unnecessary pressure to be super human.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:21 pm

      Wow! You DO sound like supermum! x

  • Karen smith - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Great reading I even remember loading all the changing bag, buggy, spare clothes in the car then driving off. Yes I had left my baby in doors in his car seat sitting by the now locked front door ! Hey that was 22 years ago he’s turned out a lovely young man. Treasure this time it goes so much faster than you could ever imagine

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:13 pm

      I know! Wow – the time flies! x

  • janice Roberts - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    None of this changes regardless how many babies you have! 7 full term pregnancies and 6 children later I have been there, bought the tshirt and worn the tshirt out! My eldest is in secondary school, my youngest almost 7 months and still boob mad. I have learnt to love my wobbly bits because they aren’t going anywhere…good job these little people are worth it!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 10:50 pm

      You’re SO right! They just seem to get more “worth it” with age! x

  • Louise - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    Fantastic! So true. My hubbie wasn’t a great gate keeper. He got better at it by number 3 thankfully x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 10:48 pm

      Ah yes – the gate keeping does get better with time! x

  • Mummy Vs work - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    Was nodding along with this! So much pressure is put on parents these days it makes us lose the magic of being parents. Go with your instinct and remember your little one and your health is the only important things in those first few weeks!

    Great post :)

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 10:47 pm

      Thanks x

  • Laura Gaudin - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    Oh Katy this is so so so so true!
    I wish I had read this 2 and a half years ago before my son was born. I am also glad to discover I’m not the only mad woman to have been searching my duvet covers at 3am looking for a baby that’s not there!
    I will definitely be taking your advice and having a baby moon if there’s a next time…and not scrambling around post-ceasserean trying to make my house look like a show home for the ridiculous number over overstaying their welcome visitors that I received.
    Thanks again for making me realise I’m normal!!
    Laura xxx

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 10:46 pm

      You’re SO welcome! And thanks for you lovely comments. Let me know if there IS another! ;-) x

  • Emma T - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    Oh god, the waking in the middle of the night and grabbing on the bed for the baby. surely the worst panic ever!
    Great post, and so true. Really hope Kate & William get to have some peace and ignore the judgement and comments while they get used to doing things their way.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 10:45 pm

      I hope so too! They deserve to enjoy their babymoon. Gorgeous couple! x

  • Nina - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    Every mother should be given this to read it is spot on, Iv just had my second and I am loving it, I say don’t wish then to do this…. And do that…. As I want to cherish is all day by day, best job in the world.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 9:29 pm

      You’re SO right! Every day just gets better! x

  • libby (@flaxmanchronicles) - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    Oh I love all of this!!! I am almost 37 weeks pregnant with my first child and nervous about what those first few weeks will bring. While I think we will obviously bask in the utter ‘amazing-ness’ of our little one in those first few weeks, this honest advice will just help us settle into our new reality! Such brilliant words of wisdom for a new mum!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      Wow! Congratulations! And don’t be nervous – it’s AMAZING! Just be ready to feel EVERY emotion! How exciting! x

  • Lilinha Espindula - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    I love your post, full of truths! Thank you for putting it out there for other new mums. I have a 4 year old son and I know exactly what you meant! :) x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 25, 2013 at 11:23 pm

      Thanks so much. We all go through the same – just nobody seems to talk about it much! x

  • zoe lubowiecka - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    Abso-blooming -lutley tumultuous reports. AND “Don’t be dismayed if you feel unable to THINK in the way that you could. Your attention now has a different focus. It’s NORMAL”

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      Thanks so much! Totally agree on the think thing! Have to go back to rooms sometimes to remember what I was doing! x

  • Vicky - Reply

    July 24, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Hi Katy,

    I have just discovered this – amazing!

    I am not yet a mum or mum-to-be but have lots of friends who are mums and this is exactly the type of information they would have loved to have had before the arrival of their wee ones.

    Honest, straight to the point and exactly what any expectant or new mum needs. This page is being saved in my favourites for when I do become pregnant to remind me to relax a bit.

    x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      Love that! Glad to help – in the future! ;-) x

  • Louise - Reply

    July 23, 2013 at 8:12 am

    LOVE IT!

    I also remember waking up in the middle of the night in a panic then diving into the mosses basket to see if my LO was still breathing !

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:15 pm

      The midnight panic is THE WORST! Remember it so well! x

  • Lisa@ Poppetandlittle - Reply

    July 23, 2013 at 1:47 am

    Sooo true! Glad I am not the only one who woke up frantically searching for baby in the duvet! Wish I had read this before having a baby, might have made it less of a shock to the system x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:15 pm

      Thanks so much! Glad you liked x

  • Lemon - Reply

    July 23, 2013 at 12:21 am

    Totally agree with all of the above!

    My OH found me stood in the lounge with his huge hooded dressing gown on just sobbing….”what ever is the matter?” He asked….

    “I DON’T KNOW!!!!” My sobbed loud reply

    I still don’t ! Hehehe

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:14 pm

      Me neither! Seriousy though, that overwhelmed feeling is SO common, but made worse because nobody talks about it, so you feel like it’s only you! x

  • Nickie - Reply

    July 23, 2013 at 12:16 am

    This is the best “Letter to…” I’ve read so far, Katy. So true, so down to earth. Loved it!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:13 pm

      Thanks lovely lady! Just wanted to pass on the few bits I learnt so others don’t feel like the weirdo! x

  • Downs Side Up - Reply

    July 22, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    LOVE your new blog lady and this is so spot on. Yep, so tired you fall asleep on the floot while your child is in the door bouncer… (or was that just me).
    H x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:14 pm

      Ha! That’s BRILLIANT! That’s about the only one I didn’t do! I did put an electric kettle on a gas hob mind! ;-/

  • LizB (first time mum -to-be) - Reply

    July 21, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    I am due on 6th Aug and up to now have had very little to do with babies so am clueless when it comes to how to look after them, how to hold them, what end the nappy goes on etc. I know I will learn quickly and am looking forward to it. So glad I read this blog though.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:05 pm

      Thanks! And congratulations! It’s SUCH an exciting time. Hope you’re surviving the heatwave! x

  • Katharine - Reply

    July 21, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    Oh my goodness, you’ve so summed up ‘all the things no one tells you! ‘ This blog should be included in the pile of reading matter that you get given on your antenatal visits…. The searching for your baby in the duvet and the level of delirium …. I thought it was only me. A great piece.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      Thanks so much! Hoped it might help some new mums! x

  • Kirsty - Reply

    July 20, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    So true, although my second slept through from six weeks – didn’t stop me waking to sit by his side to check his breathing tho! The magical parts outweigh the bad by a million to one, it just flies by in the blink of an eye – my oldest is 14 now and I can still remember bringing him home shutting the door and thinking holy crap what now? Why would they leave this precious newborn with clueless me? But it is a miracle and v infectious, I now have 5 utterly amazing words cannot come close children and who knows?….. Oh and the mummy tummy has finally flattened after no. 5 although it does have the look of a deflated balloon at times!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 24, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      SO with you! I used to wake up to check on mine too. Still do! x

  • PobbingAlong - Reply

    July 15, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    Hilarious and very true. Especially the do things your way trust your instincts. Although I still feel like a moron stumbling along and I’m on my second! Am the mumupmanship…sleep talk urgh!!!! People lie (first didn’t sleep through consistently for 18…months!!!). Sleep sleep sleep….oh how I miss you ;) x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 16, 2013 at 7:53 am

      Ha! I STILL miss sleep too – and my youngest is almost 4. Sadly he’s also an early bird! x

  • Honest mum - Reply

    July 15, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    Flipping fabulous sound advice and like other commenters, I would say try and trust your instinct (there are always lots of back seat parenting drivers) and you know your own baby. I wish I’d known what I do after two, the first time round. Most importantly not to sweat the small stuff & post c section tummies take forever!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 16, 2013 at 7:51 am

      Thanks for your lovely comment lady! Totally agree on the C-Section tummy. After 2 mine took FOREVER to get back to normal, and is still the first thing to paunch out if I’m not SUPER careful! x

  • Alison, Not Another Mummy Blog - Reply

    July 15, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    YES. THIS!!
    Love it. And that thing of searching on your bed for your baby? I woke up doing that every night for three months. So weird! (She was always in her Moses basket obvs)
    Great post Katy x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 16, 2013 at 7:53 am

      Thanks lady! So much I wish people had told ME! I felt totally overwhelmed, which is why I wanted to share & support! x

  • twinstiarasandtantrums - Reply

    July 12, 2013 at 8:36 am

    Haha this is soooo funny and true! Well done Katy! Lets hope HRH reads it and takes heed :-)

    Lisa

    • Katy - Reply

      July 16, 2013 at 7:51 am

      Thanks for your lovely comment x

  • Lady Briggs - Reply

    July 8, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    This has Chapter One of the Katy Hill Guide to Parenting written all over it!

    Great post, can’t wait to read the next instalment ;) x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 9, 2013 at 10:31 pm

      Ooh – that sounds TEMPTING!! Hmm…. Thanks for commenting lady! x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 9, 2013 at 10:36 pm

      The book by the way! Not the next instalment!! ;-) x

  • Sarah Pylas - Reply

    July 8, 2013 at 10:20 am

    The tiredness is tear inducing and doesn’t end even when your baby does start sleeping through the night. I still wake up every few hours to check on him and he is almost 4 now!
    Becoming a parent is the most exhilarating, overwhelming, exhausting, awesome, wonderful, nerve wracking experience I have ever known. It is also the thing that has given me the greatest joy.
    Great post Katy, hope she reads it ;-)

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      Thanks Sarah! Totally agree – My son is almost 4 and often wakes, and always up around 5.30! x

  • Richmond Mummy - Reply

    July 7, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    Spot on! And I’m glad you covered the post birth tummy issue. I’m 5-months post c-section with baby number two and while I’m not doing too bad on the arms/legs front, the tummy is a bit of a baby belly still. I honestly don’t care that much, as you say, bigger fish to fry (and eat!) and all that, but it didn’t help the other day when I went to get measured for a bra and the shop assistant said “maternity?” and then look bemused when I said no, and she persevered “but you are pregnant right?!?” – charming! x

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      I think it’s worse with a c-section too! All takes longer! But you look AMAZING! Thanks for your comment x

  • Gemma - Reply

    July 7, 2013 at 4:14 am

    Fantastic blog, will spread the word to other new mums.

    Currently wide awake at 4am, waiting for my four day old to wake enough for a feed without screaming the house down! So definitely relating to the tiredness stage.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      Ah – congratulations! Wow! And it gets LOTS easier – I promise! x

  • emily tealady - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    This should be printed and given to every new mum! So right about the sleep/tiredness I actually didn’t sleep for 4 days after giving birth it was awful! Oh and yes have done the jolting awake looking for baby in bed when they’re in moses basket! ! X

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      Thanks so much Emily! x

  • Claire Toplis - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    Advice I wish I had known having given birth 14 years ago !

    Where I work is having a baby boom .
    I shall pass this advice on.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      Fab! Thanks so much Claire. Careful which chair you sit on! ;-) x

  • Jean (notsupermum) - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 10:38 am

    Very sensible advice Katy. Keeping visitors to short stays is important. When I had my first daughter my MIL wouldn’t go home and even kept coming back when we were trying to sleep. Nightmare!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      I know – it’s such a special time! Help is fab – but so is muddling through on your own! x

  • Thu Stone - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 10:36 am

    This is all true. First time round I felt I was awake 24/7. Also, no one tells you how much it hurts when your milk comes in. Ouch!

    My second overdue baby boy finally arrived and is now 2 weeks old. I have learnt my lesson and I am sleeping more this time.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 8, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      Thanks so much for your comment! And congratulations! Two is fun and DOES get easier! ;-) x

  • Sarah MumofThree World - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 10:30 am

    What a great post and what a beautiful and brave photo! I just don’t get why there’s the pressure and expectation to be perfect and carry on as normal after a baby, it just isn’t natural.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 16, 2013 at 7:54 am

      Totally agree! Sometimes we’re so keen to prove life hasn’t changed, we don’t see how amazingly it has! x

  • sarah laybourne - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 7:19 am

    Tried to leave a comment but don’t think it worked! What a fab blog as always. Mine are now 3 & 1 and as much as I loved the newborn stage, I love how everyday they surprise me with what they do and say! I love reading what u and your wonderful family are up to, and is reassuring to know it’s not just me up at five everyday!!!! ;) xxx

    • Katy - Reply

      July 16, 2013 at 7:56 am

      Thanks so much Sarah! Glad you’re loving the blog and yes – we’re in it together! The 5 am Gang – we get to see bits of the day others don’t! ;-) x

  • sarah laybourne - Reply

    July 6, 2013 at 7:06 am

    I loved this blog! I have signed up to get the e mail when they come out! U speak for so many of us mums! As mine are 3 & 1 I look forward to what ur doing with yours, as although I am sad mine are not the tiny newborns anymore, I know that each stage is magical & love reading what u and ur wonderful family have been up to. Thanks for sharing your mummy experience with us, it’s a comfort knowing I am not the only one up at five!!!! Xxx

  • Sandy Calico - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Great advice, Katy. Oh how I wish I’d had a babymoon. My mum came to stay for a month after my babies were born and ended up cuddling them all day while I rushed around like a lunatic shopping, cooking and cleaning. This happened with both children. I could kick myself at the wasted opportunities for having a lie down. I still haven’t learnt to sleep when they sleep and they’re 5 and 4.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      That’s pretty much me lots of the time first time around! Others had the cuddles while I ran around like an idiot! Why do we do that? X

  • Mum in a Hurry (@mum_in_a_hurry) - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    Great post, Katy. I hope she gets to read it. I guess nothing really prepares us for the early days of motherhood, but I wish someone had written ME that letter. xxxx

    Abi (we met at BritMums Live)

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 2:25 pm

      Thanks so much! I wish someone had told ME too! x

  • Rebecca - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Hi Katy,

    What a great blog. Well written as always and hits the nail right on the head! It made me feel a bit teary as it does take you straight back to those early days with a new squidgy baby.

    Keep up the great blogging and tweeting – it is actually very reassuring to read these written by someone who appears to have a similar parenting style, as sometimes it can feel like you’re doing things on your own if your friends happen to be doing it differently.

    Thanks for taking the time! It’s appreciated.

    Becca

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm

      Yay! So glad you like the blogs. I guess it’s helpful for all of us to know we’re all pretty much in the same boat! *gears up for school run! x

  • Ainsleybj - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Great advice Katy and so true, I wish I had this list of advice with my first too and perhaps a refresher for the second! Baby brain and utter exhaustion puts paid to the old memory.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 1:49 pm

      Totally! It was a shock for me all over again second time around! Thanks for commenting x

  • Super Busy Mum {Debs} - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 11:30 am

    What a fantastically, beautiful, informative and funny letter! Loved reading this, and every word is SO true. I have 5 children, the youngest being just 5mths old and that super tiredness is still there! Que Mombie Mode! xx

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 1:49 pm

      Thanks so much! And my son wakes at 5 most mornings so I still fell like a Mombie!! x

  • Sian Gregory - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 10:43 am

    This is all so true. I had my first baby nearly 4 years ago, and nobody could’ve prepared me for after the birth. I’ve always said there are all these books on being pregnant and labour,but nothing to tell you how you may feel after, this is why I love this so much! I am due to give birth again in just over 7 weeks and even as a second time mum I was so pleased to read this, especially the weight bit, I was mortified the other day when I realised how muh weight I’ve gained, but reading about others really helps. Thank you Katy for another great blog! X

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 11:22 am

      7 weeks?! How exciting! Yes – I wish I’d relished those early days even more and not felt overwhelmed. x

  • Colette - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 10:42 am

    Brilliant read – I’m expecting my third & it was still good to be reminded of some of that!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 11:21 am

      Thanks so much. And CONGRATULATIONS! X

  • Jayne - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 10:34 am

    Yes, yes and more YES! Brilliant advice for new mums, I wish I’d had you telling me this after I had Sausage, it’s SO important to enjoy the time you have with them when they’re tiny.

    Great post.

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 11:20 am

      Thanks so much lady! I know – I felt like I’d read EVERYTHING and yet not much about the realities x

  • Mummy Barrow - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 10:31 am

    fourteen years later and I still have that baby bump!

    I nodded in agreement to all of the above.

    My only other piece of advice is that only you know your baby best. Don’t listen to anybody who says “You MUST do this”. “Oh this worked wonders for little Chardonnay”. That’s as maybe but you are a grown up and are in charge of your baby and don’t be afraid to stamp a royal foot every now and again.

    Wonder what the baby’s name will be!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 1:53 pm

      TOTALLY! I found the ones who were the most full of advice only had one & thought they’d done a fab job! Second time around, I realise it’s SO much more nature than nurture!! x

  • Penny Christofi - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 10:28 am

    The little mite will be a Prince or Princess as an heir to the throne! Lucky them!!

    Brilliant advice Katy!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 11:18 am

      Thanks so much! And lucky them! Or not! Depending how you look at it! x

  • Emily - Reply

    July 5, 2013 at 10:24 am

    So much great advice in here. Found myself saying, ‘yes!’ to so much of it – it’s a shame so few of these tips find their way into most mainstream baby books. I’m going to send this post to my SIL – she gave birth yesterday!

    • Katy - Reply

      July 5, 2013 at 11:17 am

      Yay! Congrats to your SIL – SUCH an exciting time! x

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